Yet another sad set of lines. Sigh. This should stop

Life thrown away
a world that refuses to show the way

Tears held back
how many times? can't keep track

Jokes to avoid reality
while wallowing in self pity

Music hurts
ideas get blurred

A smile to a friend
it's so easy to pretend

Mind-%$#^ed
and running out of luck

A happy song
a need to belong

Days pass by
seems like years, don't know why

A phone conversation
solace,mind on vacation

A long bike ride
just the wind,nothing to hide

The rain on my face
thoughts can you erase?

legs itching to dance
but mind still in a trance

An empty stare
all beyond repair?

The Hyderabad chapter 1

I landed in hyderabad a couple of days back, and I took a flight after a really really long time, and to make it short, it was an exhilarating experience. For the first time, I could actually feel the change in pressure in my ears and appreciate the beauty of the Eustachian tube. Anyway, I started work the next day. Not WORK work, but those who know me will know that, so yeah, I like calling it work, cuz I'm paid for it! :) The whole environment is so serene and sanctimonious. Everybody's religion seems to be the result they're waiting for, the excitement in waiting to find out if what they theorized was true. And for someone for whom practical experience has been questionable till now, just seeing all those labs and people actually doing some important work is an experience by itself. That's pretty much what I've been doing the two days I was at work. Reading, learning, clearing doubts with knowledgable people, people whom I thought would be at a level where they wouldn't tolerate stupid questions from someone like me. It's amazing, the way everybody gels in a lab as big as the one I'm in. I actually went for lunch with two senior scientists and one junior scientist on my first day. I still can't believe how casual the whole thing was. Well, I now lunch with a different group, but the first day experience is something that's still not sunk in, and one I'll cherish for a long long time. The PhD and postdoc students are very friendly, all ready to help me out whenever they get the time. It's been amazing so far, and I hope it remains like this throughout. I don't know if I'm going to be doing what they're doing now in a few years, but I do know that these two months will probably help me decide. probably. sigh. Well, drastic mood change. So that's it for this post!

Iris and Irony

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause i know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I dont want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you cannot fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

And I dont want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I dont want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

Catharsis

Knowingly or unknowingly, a very unlikely person made me happy today. I rediscovered my ability to put mokka. To talk freely without any restrictions. To say lol and actually laugh out loud. Thought it got buried in all the emotional and psychological turmoil. If you ever read this, thank you. You know who you are. Or you might not. But i still think it's appropriate for me to thank you. You don't know how much it meant to me.

Random

In my life I don't mean much to anyone. I've lost my way cant go back anymore.Once I had everything now it's gone. Don't tell me again coz I've heard it all before. Some people say that I'm not worth it. I've made mistakes but nobody's perfect. Guess I'll give it a try. I've got one last chance to get myself together. I can't lose no more time, it's now or never and I'll try to remember who I used to be. I've got one last chance to get myself together and the time has come for me to change again. I can't carry on like this, I will lose my friends. Don't say that you've given up on me. Just give me the time and space to heal my head. I don't want to be misunderstood. Ive got to take this chance and take it into something good.

Random

It's summer. A time when I feel like living on buttermilk and watermelons. I do, most of the time.For the past two days, though, the clouds have slowly formed. It's getting darker, and I know that it's raining somewhere close because the smell of wet mud stimulates my senses. That was two days back. Now the clouds have become darker than ever, you can almost reach up to the skies and scoop some of it and have it for dessert. They are moving, and the momentum is building up. As I finish lab and enter my classroom, the clouds burst with such a great force that one understands the beauty of nature, how the clouds accumulate water - similar to how we conceal our emotions till we can take it no more. Sigh, it's raining finally. The relief from the scorching heat is so great that I have been magically transported to a happy place. As I settle in my seat, sleep slowly creeps in and I start dreaming. A simple dream. No expectations. No worries. No doubts. No fear and definitely no sadness. A bay window, the rain, a cup of hot chocolate, and Iris in the background. Bliss.

The Grim Weeper

The throes of lost love cleaving to her heart
Vivid memories,now a mere vestige of the past
The butterflies and verdant meadows
not appreciated for their beauty, shadowed.

The evanescent peace in sleep she finds is ruined by a nightmare,
Tears glisten in her eyes, she knows life's beyond repair. `
She's got work to do, she desperately tries
but vagrant thoughts besiege her, she cries.

She fakes happiness, her visage belies her true feelings
She lives only for the world, forgets she's a human being
Numbness overcomes her with an unbridled force
She doesn't know where to turn, there's no recourse.

Does she have a choice? She comes to terms with reality
She doesn't learn to move on, but she no longer believes in serendipity.
She settles into monotony, life has lost the need for answers.`
Her art, her dance,her life, her love -These things just don't matter.

She knows she's strong enough to pull through this
but does she want to try? For once she's remiss.
She craves for the comfort in laughter, in tears
that she once shared with someone who allayed her fears

Someone she trusted to stay by her side, carry her
through the darkest of times to a life together;
How wrong she was! misled by her own illusions
believing not, in life's evil collusions.

She must rise, and she will
for the next hit will be harder still
Even if she denies it, she'll slowly regain
her love for life- after all,it's familiar terrain.

She may now seem like a grim weeper
but how true! Time is the real healer
She'll soon enough beat the pheonix,
for there are many more problems to fix!