Reminiscences

Gone are the days when conversations were easy. When careless whispers meant the world to me. When nothing was misconstrued, when words didn't carry an inner meaning. I miss the times when life was simple. When everything was laid out in front of me, when choices were not mine. I like the independence, yes. But i also miss the comfort of my mother's reassurances, my father's thoughtful rebuke, my brother's constant support. I miss the sweet innocence, the times when i thought there could be nothing worse than losing my slam book to my English teacher. I miss nush, gansa and shame. I miss all the secret codes and the innocuous banter. I miss the idea of jane, tuber and npwala. I miss the big crushes and obti and archie. I miss getting screamed at for not controlling my fringe from falling on my face. I miss those days of green skirts and white shirts, peeping into classes where girls wore 'salwars' and boys wore 'pants', trying to figure out what was written on the blackboard, wondering if we would ever grow up to understand all the 'trigonometry equations' and 'integration'. I miss the fights between boys and girls, the daily rush for break boxes. I miss paatu class. The days I spent singing love songs about baby krishna and blushing at having understood the meaning and trying to conceal my newly found knowledge cuz I always felt I was too young to actually know. The times I felt so proud at having identified a raaga on my own. The times I tried singing an alaap and getting appreciated for it. The rare occasions during which it rained immediately after I sang amruthavarshini, making me think that however ridiculous it sounded, it was raining because of me.
I miss the nights I spent crying because I didn't do well in a test. I miss sneaking out of class and buying samosas for friends. I miss the daily treats. Special samosa. I miss PT classes, throwball,volleyball and basketball. I miss trying to maintain a rally with volleyball sir and VK. I miss seeing the guys perform during adzap. I miss all the culturals we participated in, winning some, cribbing about how unfair it was to lose some. I remember the innumerable practice sessions. I miss the first time I felt proud, when I coached a junior dance team for intra school culturals and they won despite technical difficulties.
I cannot forget the excursions. The pain I went through on our way to Hyderabad. The support I got from my friends that made me understand who really stays with you till the end. The fight I had with gansa and lacku in Trivandrum over what now seems like such a petty issue. The dances, the songs, the fun. I remember everything now. I know I can't go back in time. So why am i thinking?
I miss the innocence in first year. Getting introduced to new people. Without knowing it, meeting the three people who would be friends forever. Who would stand by me through thick and thin. I miss those days we sat in the lawn, how we always had serious stuff to talk about only before midsems. Those nights we spent gazing at the stars. Those nights we ran away from the warden's room. Those days when we tried talking about ghost stories. Those days when we were there for each other. Those days when we fought over how many panneers each of us got.
I miss going to the canteen. It doesn't feel the same nowadays, I'm a visitor. A guest. Earlier it used to be my second hostel. I no longer go to meet people. Now it's just another place where I get better food than the mess. It doesn't have a special significance anymore. I miss clubs. I miss dumb-c throughout the night.
Life is good. I am happy with what I have now. Fe, soup, var, pri and rags, nush, gansa, shame. They're all still there. And I think they will be. But something is missing. Guess what?
*some text missing* :P (check out your nokia phones for more details)

-I think this is the worst way to end a serious post. But what to do? Those who know me would have expected this. And those who don't. I don't care.