Alone or lonely?

As the world around me whizzes past at maddening speeds
I'm standing rooted to a place, trying to move - but numb
I see you come closer and move away at the same time
am I alone or lonely?

When life goes on without a break
When I can't relate to anyone around
When I hear what you say but don't get what you mean
am I alone or lonely?

In a crowd but yet so far away
talking, listening - all just for a moment
When nothing is significant enough to leave back a memory
Am I alone or lonely?

Alone I am, lonely not.
Such a dark shade of a (s)light difference
Choice it is, to remain this way
In a lonely place, but still, alone.

The fastest poem I've ever written. 10 minutes! The idea of alone/lonely came to me in class yesterday, and since then I've been hasty to get it done. It hasn't come out as well as I thought it would,not even close, but it's still an attempt.

A few of my everyday things

A lot of people around me keep asking why I write sad poems that make them think about unhappy things. Why such a happy person who cracks many PJ's almost all the time, should show this seamy(?) side of hers. So here goes my first attempt to write something happy. But reading it doesn't make me happy. It just doesn't make me sad. Which is definitely a start. So here's the brand new me, making an effort to bring a bit more happiness into your lives. If you can't appreciate it(just how I wasn't able to), at least laugh at how pathetic an attempt this is! :)

Crayons and pencils and sketches of different colours
They make me want to keep using them for hours
To draw differnt patterns and beautiful figures
But mostly to make random things that grow bigger!

My laptop and cellphone and music player - all useful gadgets
help me survive when I have to do some projects
They make me realize that electricity is indispensable
And they're all connected with wires and cables!

My family and friends and roomies of different ages
coming from such varied backgrounds and stages
They make my mind and heart stick together
And make problems seem as light as a feather!

My mokkaes and PJ's and the worst possible jokes
They crack them up no matter how hard are these folks
They're meant to somehow make things fall into place
but instead it makes people get into a craze!

My dreams of big houses and the ocean and ship cruises
They help me forget that I have mental bruises
They take me to a happy place in parellel universes
Where things are just perfect and rhyme like these verses!

Giving up? Not yet.

As the world drowns yet again in sorrow,
even as we try denying it, we know the truth
that it's all going down and it's only going to harrow
what's left of our battered souls. We bear the wrath
of sins from the past, searching for a tomorrow
that will be free from the binds of sloth.

When happiness becomes a mere illusion
leaving one to wonder if it was ever theirs to lose;
"make" yourself happy, we think - to what end though?
When what you stand for fails, or fails you - trepidation
results, principles and faith we start to peruse,
the outcome of which we may never know.

Isolation by choice ensues. The world gives up on you
because when you give up on the world, on life -
nothing out there is what you want anymore.
It's as bad as this, or worse. If any of what you believed in is true,
you'll know that this is not the end - but is the mind in strife
with reality? Until you know, it's best to get back to what you were before.

Random

I don't care what you had for dinner. I don't care if your car broke down. I don't want to know how many times you saw that advertisement. It doesn't matter how many times you spoke to a person. It doesn't matter that you don't speak to me. All I'm asking for is this, and it hurts me to think that it's too much to ask of the world. Give me a meaningful conversation, and I'll give you my time.

P.S - This is not a hint to anybody, I don't even know who I'm talking about. It's just frustrating to know that there are very few people left in the world who can even sustain a meaningful conversation for as long as it deserves.

Take me home.

Give me a meaningful conversation
one that I'll cherish forever
give me the twinkle in my eyes
that I had as a child

give me a lifetime of happiness;
one with no restraints
give me a place in your life
one that i know is mine

take me to a place far away
away from mundane life and the miseries
take me by my hand to time not bound
by dimensions, or distance

carry me through the darkness
and lead me to the sunrise
I'll close my eyes and follow you
Take me wherever you go,
Oh why don't you take me home?

P.S - Those looking for genuine poetry need not look here.

Just another lazy day.

Cheerful "good morning" greetings, filter kaapi after brushing, THE HINDU ( I swear, it's a relief after reading the crappy Deccan Chronicle I used to get in Hyderabad), mom's suda suda soft idli's for breakfast followed by my all-time favorite fruit salad. Yes, I'm home! It doesn't matter that it's only for two days. I'm in chennai - my place, my area, my city. Hyderabad was lovely and the weather was just right almost all the time. In comparison, this place is humid, and if you go for a walk at 12 noon you'll probably come back with a hole through your head. But it's still my place, and I'm loving it. My beloved chaat-wala will be waiting for me outside Nilgiris, I never let him down when I come to chennai - his pani puri's lure me to his shop almost daily. It's not the best, and it's definitely not as big as the puri's I got at Dadu's, but it's definitely worth the 5 minute walk down to the place. And the best of it all, mom's cooking! I can almost smell the aroma of sweet nimbu rasam and vengaaya vethakozhambu with seppangazhangu fry :) Gawd, I love being here, and that's made me bunk two more exams. So that makes it six, if anybody is keeping count. And it also means I've to attend all six the next two mid-terms. Oh well, who cares, really? I loved the restaraunts and chaat shops in Hyderabad, people around me ensured that each time I went to a different place in a different part of the city. But now I'm going back to the good old Hotel Saravana Bhavan to meet a very unlikely friend. Anybody jealous? Please be. Those who know me will know I deserve this break. Long live Chennai! :)

Blank

Did I actually go to Hyderabad? My blog says so. A few mails in my inbox say I've met new people, photos in my laptop indicate that I've had a lot of fun, but was it all true? Did it actually happen, or was it just a bad dream? I say bad, because it's now over. All good things come to an end they say. Pah. Like they know how good some things are and how it just shouldn't end. They say life isn't fair. That you never get what you want? Then how come I got what I needed the most, though I myself wasn't sure of what I wanted? I don't believe in anything being perfect. Things always go wrong - that's the way it's meant to be, I say. But I think I've to change my opinion because the last two months have proved me wrong. It doesn't matter where I was in my life, it doesn't matter how bad a shape I was in when I went there, all I do know is that sometimes "it" just happens. I refrain from using the word because I don't believe in it, though as a kid I used to desperately hope it was true. Magic. That's the word I use to describe my stay in Hyderabad. Pure, rare, unadulterated magic.

I've been blank ever since I left lab two days back - clutching the NMR book that I got as a gift. It was a 45 minutes drive back to my relative's place, and that's what I was - blank. Throughout the journey. And that night. And the following morning. And on the flight back home. And now, only once I'm home, I'm able to think. It's all still a bit hazy but it's becoming clear now. What I was before I went there, and what I will be now that I'm going back to a place that has sworn to suck all the life out of me. Sigh. I'm going back to college, people. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE hostel life and I love my friends enough to say I'm waiting to see them. But you'll know what I'm talking about only if you're a part of what we are. Sid summed it up in the best possible way when we met. He said something close to this- "These two months made me feel like I was alive. Now we're going back to being zombies. ". That's the way it is, but it's the last year and we've now formed a group, you see. A group of zombies stuck in a place they don't understand - and this group has decided to help each other survive the inevitable proselytization of these pure souls to zombiness. Well, you get my point. If you don't, consider yourslef lucky that you don't belong to the same place that I do. That's that.

Anyway, this was supposed to be a tribute to my life in Hyderabad, but see what it's become - another bunch of sad lines about THE place. So let's stop it right here, shall we?

What did Hyderabad mean to me? Everything.

Why did I leave? Only because I had to.

Will I go back again? The minute I get another opportunity.

What will I do if I go there? Go to lab.

Oh and I cannot resist the temptation to crack the worsht PJ that just crossed my mind. If I'm blank, I should just subtract myself from all the readings that I get, right? I know you're all staring at the screen saying, eh? Was that a joke or what? No, that's a somewhat scientific joke and people in lab might probably *hi fi* over it. Sigh.

Call me crazy, that's who I am.